Here's my favorite excerpt from a damned good book (except maybe where the large negro straddles the small fragile chinese boy in the hamock) by William S. Burroughs: NAKED LUNCH. (get the full online text here) .
...Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk?
His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.
"This ass talk had a sort of gut frequency. It hit you
right down there like you gotta go. You know when the
old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold
inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose?
Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly,
thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.
"This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to
start with it was like a novelty ventriloquist act. Real
funny, too, at first. He had a number he called 'The
Better 'Ole' that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most
of it but it was clever. Like, 'Oh I say, are you still
down there, old thing?'
"'Nah! I had to go relieve myself.'
"After a while the ass started talking on its own. He
would go in without anything prepared and his ass
would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.
"Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-
curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was
cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole
would eat its way through his pants and start talking
on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It
would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody
loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other
mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you
could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up,
and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it,
but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him:
'It's you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because
we don't need you around here any more. I can talk
and eat and shit.'
"After that he began waking up in the morning with
a transparent jelly like a tadpole's tail all over his
mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T.,
Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind
of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his
mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like
burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere
on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over,
and the whole head would have amputated spontane-
ous -- (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts
of Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe
amputates spontaneously?) -- except for the eyes you
dig. That's one thing the asshole couldn't do was see. It
needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked
and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn't give
orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off.
For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering
of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must
have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no
more feeling in them than a crab's eye on the end of a
(get the full online text
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